


But it’s harder to see you’re not mine (with my bloodshot eyes)

by lizardex



Category: descendants - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, because apparently i don’t know how to write anything else, inspired by bloodshot by dove cameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 16:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20819990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizardex/pseuds/lizardex
Summary: Mal leaves in peace, leaving Uma in pieces.





	But it’s harder to see you’re not mine (with my bloodshot eyes)

“Uma, are you okay?"

She could see Gil's concern in his eyes, but she couldn't care much, not now.

Her bones felt cold, her blood felt heavy, her whole soul felt weak and there was only one person she could blame for the fact that at night she couldn’t sleep, busy looking at the ceiling of her room without knowing what to do with herself. 

She reached a point where even in her dreams the memories she shared with Mal tormented her, all the moments they shared and that she believed they had enjoyed, but it was all a facade, a fraud that Uma had believed, but who could blame her? Mal made the sun kneel before her, and it wasn't going to be different with Uma.

Everything made her remember her.

Everything she saw around her was infected with her touch, making it impossible for Uma not to want to tear her own brain apart with her hands to stop her misery. If she turned her head to the left, she could see the wall of her room where Mal practiced her drawings, intricate scribbles and works of art that came out of her own dark imagination, and she had even drawn them both; but one particular drawing always caught her attention more than all the others, and it was a complex and rugged drawing of the sun and the moon, with chains rolled around them that dripped diamonds at their ends, “Tell me again the story about how the sun loved the moon so much she died every night to let her breath” she would say in a hushed tone just to the two of them, while they could do nothing but hold each other, naked in body and soul.

If she looked to her right, she could see on the floor a stain now almost invisible by the passing of the years on the carpet, which reminded her that she and Mal had pierced each other with nothing more than a needle they tried to clean as much as they could, and the amount of blood they lost alarmed them, crimson drops falling to the ground. But then it stopped, and they couldn't help but laugh, because it hadn't been the end, nothing had happened, they survived. Uma wasn't so sure about that now.

Even in her own bed, where she was resting at the moment, she had memories that she could not remove, from when they first discovered their bodies, inexperienced kisses and too much adrenaline, mixed and forbidden feelings slipping into something they thought was only complicity, but it turned out to be something else. Skin against skin, contact answered with contact. It was a torture and an infinite pleasure, because Mal was the cosmos and Uma could only observe her as if she herself had created the whole damn universe only with her emerald eyes, and for Uma it was true, because the world began and ended in her mouth.

But now her world was no longer spinning, her sky was no longer blue but a stormy rain, which with the water carried every ounce of energy she possessed, leaving her deflated and undone.

In the only place that was supposed to have peace there was war, her dreams were contaminated by Mal's harmonious voice and her evil smirk, which from the first moment she should have known would bring her trouble. And maybe she knew, but it was worth taking a risk if that meant she could immerse herself on it. 

Days where they went to the rooftop of the highest abandoned building to see how the lights of Auradon were confused with reflections of unattainable hope with the sunset, where their hands met, allowing themselves to be vulnerable only in those moments where they could be themselves, without any intruder analyzing their movements too much.  
Gone.  
Nights where they spent talking about their fears, about their goals, about their plans, about them. Shared thoughts and mutual feelings were spilled between them, creating a bond that only strengthened with the passing of the hours. Gone. 

Sometimes the heat was too much, unbearable, so they didn't talk and let their bodies dance to a beat that drove them crazy, all to relief themselves, causing the tension to evaporate.  
Other times, when the bruises and blood became too real, hugs were the only thing that satisfied them, knowing that even if one fell, they would be there to catch the other, before stamping herself against the floor.

But just like the sky was a graveyard of stars, the isle felt empty and pointless without Mal by her side, a graveyard of what could have been.

She could never see the color green the same way, much less purple. Although it brought a strange sense of comfort, because it seemed foreign, but there was beauty behind it too, for not everything has been bad. But now it was stained, incomplete.

It was a miracle, Uma thought, that her bloodshot eyes would not let her see beyond her tears, and perhaps that was the answer she was looking for, to cry until she drowned with her own salt, until there was nothing but sea in her sight. Not being able to see beyond herself was a miracle.

Not even Harry's company helped her, and it was a shame, because the boy treated her as if she were a goddess worthy of veneration, but there was simply something that did not allow her to surrender completely, something she would never be able to let go. Every petal kiss that Harry placed on her neck, every touch of fire that ran through her legs and between them, nothing compared to the electric storm she felt with the purple-haired girl. And it was unfair, Uma knew, it was unfair to compare them. Both were different types of spirits, with different purposes on this earth, but Uma's being didn’t know that, or at least it was difficult for it to detect it.

So she let herself be carried away by Harry's madness, by his unpredictability, by his constant desire for adventure, because if it wasn't for him, Uma would sink into a black ocean of sorrow.

It was inevitable, she knew, it would happen sooner or later.

But in the meantime, she waited, with Gil by her side.

"Uma, are you okay?"

And for the first time in a long time, she allowed herself to be honest.

"No"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people, I know I should’ve updated my other fic already but I haven’t been feel very inspired lately, but something possessed me and this was the result. I’ll try to update as fast as I can
> 
> And you can send me your headcanons, questions, ideas or comments to my https://curiouscat.me/UmalsThunder ! I try to answer as quickly as I can, given that I haven’t been feeling very inspired lately (so please send me something lol) 
> 
> As always, comments and feedback are welcome :) 
> 
> *And maybe.. a waste fic is coming?*


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